Beware: Rayd / Hytyle / Aprilycan

Hello! Hytyle/Rayd/Aprilycan here.

I just wanted to take a (rather embarrassing) trip down memory lane and once again atone for one of my biggest mistakes on the internet. As I've been heavily considering moving on from the fandom for unrelated reasons, I thought about this week of my life and thought I would write this post as a means for closure before I turn the page on this chapter of my past.

First and foremost, I take full responsibility for what happened. I was very young and stubborn back when I did what I did (16/17?) and was frankly ignorant to commissioning etiquette at the time. I made a lot of childish and disparaging comments on the original thread and behaved in a way that was reflective of my age and stupidity in response to any criticism or demand for accountability I faced, showing how incredibly entitled I was, which I'm now aware was very tasteless and only dug a far deeper, much more embarrassing hole for myself. I also admit that, at the time, I only ever paid the artist to save myself from any further criticism or shame, rather than any actual repentance.

I did what I did because I was an irresponsible teen who committed all of his allowance money on a single art piece, and instead of expressing to the artist that I was unhappy with the art and paying him for his time, I blocked him and thought nothing of it, not wanting to lose my allowance money for something I didn't like, again showing my immaturity and inexperience, having been morally stunted and misguided at that time in my life.

I could make the excuse that I was peer pressured into doing so by a friend, but even if that did excuse me (it doesn't), I made the conscious choice to double down on my wrong doing and even try to paint the artist in a bad light to save my own skin, again something I'm incredibly embarrassed to relive and deeply regret doing. At the end of the day, every decision made was my own and nobody was to blame but myself.

I'm very happy to say that I have grown a lot since the series of mistakes I have made, and have not had any further problems with any other artist throughout the 5 years that have passed since. I have gone from somebody who was unwilling to pay an artist for the bare minimum, to somebody who thanks artists endlessly for their work, somebody who tips ontop of payment when able, and somebody who appreciates and values art and money a lot more appropriately.

Not only have I grown through my commissioning ventures, but also my behavior as well! Through maturing and therapy, I have become a lot more introspective, accountable, morally thoughtful and understanding! (Apparently I had unchecked BPD! Which may partially explain how I acted out on the original thread hahah). I have made more friendships and healthy artist/commissioner relationships than I can count and I couldn't be more grateful!

 With everything said, I would like to officially, genuinely apologize to drowninginbooks, the artist in question, and I hope you are living life to the fullest, wherever you may be. I also apologize to the numerous spectators that had to witness my childish and snarky behavior. There was a time this beware haunted me for awhile because of how embarrassing I behaved and slowly coming to terms with the mistake I made, but really, for all I know, it could have been the catalyst for the stark contrast in how I behave today, and I am really thankful that I was held accountable for what I did before at worst I really hurt somebody, or at least I never changed.

Thank you all for hearing me out, and I wish you all a happy holiday!